To Ski or Not to Ski?

A couple of weeks ago, I had the opportunity to go visit friends in Utah for a ski weekend.  Seeing as how the wife of the couple is a fantastic cook, I ate very well while I was there.  And by well, I mean I ate a lot.  They strongly believe in hitting the slopes with some fuel to burn, so the big breakfasts served their purpose, but it seemed like all I did the whole weekend was eat and ski.  So I began to think about exactly how many calories I was burning each day we were there.  I was missing out on my training for the half, but figured skiing must be a great substitute for my long run for the week.  Since I know that a mile equals about 100 calories on average, I figured skiing must be at least that much.

When I got home, I found a calorie counter site that advertised itself as showing "the most accurate calories burned during exercise".  For a person of my weight, it showed that I was burning 295 calories an hour with moderate effort downhill skiing.  I began to ponder whether that could possibly be right, and also began to think about all the schlepping that was going on before, during, and after skiing.  It was then that the light bulb went on.  I decided to make my own "most accurate calories burned during all aspects of skiing" site.  Here's the data I'm posting, with the disclaimer that you should check with a professional before you begin believing any of it.  I'm only guessing, after all.

1)  Ski Rental:  150 calories burned per visit:  While this doesn't seem like a lot, I have to add it in.  After all, you're hanging out in a ski shop, trying on possibly several pairs of boots, standing in them, walking around the shop killing time while Ski Dude tightens the bindings.  Of course you're also signing your life away before hoisting the boots and skis over your shoulder to gallumph out to the car.  If you happen to have parked beside someone else, there is also the added "obstacle-course maneuver" to make certain you don't drop, bang, or otherwise flail your skis and/or boots into someone's passenger-side door.  On second thought, let's up that to 200 calories.
2)  Getting from parking lot to resort:  350 calories burned per visit:  This time, the calories are shedding themselves more readily.  Your body heat has risen to epidemic proportions since you're wearing as many layers as that kid in "A Christmas Story".  You're wiping sweat from your brow as you change from snow boots to ski boots beside the car, while you try to hold the foot wearing only a sock aloft without accidentally stepping on the melting ice and snow on the ground.  You're actually getting a really nice balance workout worthy of any good yoga pose while trying to maneuver your foot into an unnatural position to slide straight downward into the ski boot.  Without good leverage, this is futile, so the result is more sweating and heavy breathing which adds more fat-burning potential. After you have your boots on, it's time to really work.  You now have to seal your foot into them using what little leverage you might have and freezing fingers.  You may or may not get them tight enough, which may or may not result in a second or even third attempt.  Once they are clicked in appropriately, it's back to the hoisting of skis and the gallumphing, which as we already established is a burn, baby, burn situation.
3)  Standing in line, getting on and off the lift, and everything in-between:  200 calories per ride.  I know this seems a little high for simply standing and sitting, but let's break this down.  The standing involves using poles and actually sliding (in a little cross-country ski move) to eliminate any space between you and the person in front of you.  You are still wearing those hideous boots with the forced calf muscle work.  You have to balance yourself in a squat move while the seat of the lift becomes available for sitting.  Your legs must keep moving during the ride up in order for your skis to feel fairly light.  If you just dangle them loosely, your legs start to feel as if you're wearing a kayak on each foot.  Not a light kayak, mind you, but a really heavy one.  So you're using those quad muscles as well.  Getting off the lift involves a slight amount of light skiing to get down to the place where you'll actually start skiing.  So there are some more calories you can count.  The exception to the 200 calories per ride could occur if you happen to fall off the lift while trying to dismount gracefully (I can hear you now, "That would never happen to me..."  You think you're immune??  Do you??)  Provided that they stop the lift and you can get back up on your own, you may be able to burn 25 extra calories.  If, however, there happen to be a group of  people gathered who are watching, pointing and laughing, you may burn up to 50 more calories simply due to the rush of blood to your face and neck in embarrassment.  I would not, however, recommend trying to fall on purpose just to get skinnier.  Someone's bound to notice that you can ski pretty proficiently on the slopes but can't seem to make it off the lift to save your life. 
4)  Actual skiing:  295 per hour with moderate effort.  This, being from the aforementioned website, is a completely accurate research-based calorie burn.  I have given this some thought, and decided that even when you're standing waiting for your friends to come down the mountain you are burning calories, because you're standing on an incline which involves both balance and strength.
5)  Last but not least, The Lodge:  100 calories per visit.  One wouldn't think the lodge would be a very good place to burn calories, but consider this fact: Pretty much every restroom in every lodge is located on the basement level.  Therefore, you are going up and down stairs in "The Boots". Feet are meant to bend when going up and down stairs, and when they don't, it's a Feat of Strength and Balance.  Even when the railing provides added assistance, it's still difficult for us midwesterners who aren't doing this on a daily basis.  While I've never actually fallen down said stairs in a ski lodge, I'm sure we could add some on to our calorie count for that as well.  However, not recommended since it would be, say it with me, "Embarrassing and Dangerous". 
As you can see, skiing is a very physical activity.  If we were to add up all of the calories burned during a day on the slopes, we could feel really good about our overindulgences of great Mexican food and stacks of blueberry waffles while on our trip.  No wonder Colorado and Utah are both full of skinny people.  Who can argue with this type of workout?  If not for the expense, you could put on the boots, do all the other stuff, never even actually ski, and lose weight. If only ski vacations came along every weekend....