Beware!! Road Hazards!

There are many road hazards you should be aware of when running outside. Today's post is devoted to a tongue-in-cheek account of the most dangerous ones. Bear in mind that a few of these only apply to classroom teachers and severe weather, but most of them can be considered useful by the general public.

1) The DARK: This one is hazardous for many reasons. The most obvious have to do with women running alone, but there are various ways the dark can be the runner's nemesis. First of all, drivers can't see. This is a big problem if you are running in the street. Always run facing traffic, and if you must run at night, buy some kind of reflective gear. Or wear a large orange barrel. Actually, the reflective gear is more aerodynamic, and people sometimes run over orange barrels even when they can see them, so stick with the reflective gear. But try to stay away from those hideous vest-like garments. Especially if you want to remain in the Cool Kids Club.

2) The TERRAIN: If you are running in semi-bad  or all -bad weather, (like the arctic conditions we have had here in the midwest as of late), you should be concerned about the amount of snow and/or ice on the sidewalks/roads. It can be treacherous, and you don't want to injure yourself, so try to run on the flattest, driest sections you can find. The excess sand or salt left over from the snow and ice removal can also be a problem, so try to make sure not to slip on it. Traction is of the essence, and paying attention can mean the difference between a PR (Personal Record) and the ER (Emergency Room). Be a smart cookie on that one.

3) The ANIMALS: Now, I have not had experiences with this particular hazard, but am fully aware of other runners who did, so I'm just putting it out there so you won't say I didn't give you fair warning. A tip:  NOT ALL DOGS ARE NICE, contrary to popular belief. And I love dogs. So I wouldn't steer you wrong on this one. Most of the time, they're out there to do their business in their fenced or electrified yards, but be careful coming up on a random roaming one unannounced. Some of us have the tendency to be dog magnets, and in that case might end up with a new pet after a short 3 miler. But for safety's sake, let's reserve our dog petting for those occasions when we aren't out on a run. Other animal dangers might come in the form of a dead bird on the sidewalk (kindly step over it, willing it to RIP), a live bunny or squirrel (more dangerous for them than you, but keep running, they're faster than you anyway), a rabid, snarling rodent of some kind (run faster--a LOT faster) or an extra large, furry, mutant spider (grimace, say "Ew", and cross the street). Any of these dangers can show up at any time, so it's a good idea to be prepared. Enjoy all of God's creatures during your outing, except of course the dead bird, the rabid rodent, and the mutant spider. Avoid those at all costs. They aren't enjoyable ever.

4) UNRULY TEENS: Now please note that I didn't say to avoid all teens, since there are some nice ones out there. But it's the unruly ones that give us trouble. If they are traveling in a group by motor vehicle with arms flailing out windows, you might be in for some unintelligible heckling. This can be easily avoided by turning your iPod up louder. However, if they are bearing eggs or water balloons, you had better hope it's summer. At least then, being pelted with a water balloon would be refreshing. I can't think of an occasion that would make being pelted with an egg bearable, so let's just hope they fall into the semi-unruly teen category, which means they wouldn't have thought of carrying eggs with them. In my neighborhood, it is highly likely that I would know said teens, and equally possible that I would know said teens' parents, so running in my own neighborhood can be a bonus should it come down to pressing charges. Teens also can be hazardous when they are just driving alone in their cars, because they are known to text, make phone calls, and just generally not pay attention, so in this case even the most ruly ones can be problematic. It's best to avoid them altogether if possible.

5) CHILDREN: I would like to address this hazard specifically to teachers who may or may not run in the neighborhood close to their work place. If you see children, it's best to wave and say hello. But DON'T STOP RUNNING. This is very important. Any running stoppage could result in unplanned detainment for minutes or hours. Any of the following could occur: You could be invited into their house for cookies, to see their puppy, to help with the homework you assigned that day, or to engage in an impromptu parent/teacher conference. All of these will severely affect your time frame allotted for running, and possibly for any other activities you had previously scheduled for the evening.

The next time you are out for a run or a walk, take note of these hazards, and feel free to notify me of any that should be added to the list.  For today, be aware of the aforementioned dangers and take the necessary precautions to avoid them.  Or don't.  But don't say I didn't warn you...